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Even with all the support we get leading up to our babies' births, things
can still go wrong. And even when they go "right" according to our
health care providers, they can feel very "wrong" to us. Nothing can
prepare couples adequately for the intensity, distress, confusion and out of
control feelings of a traumatic birth experience, and even couples who have
experienced a fairly "normal" birth can feel shocked and overwhelmed.
Sadly there is very little organised post-birth psychological support for
mothers, and even less for fathers.
If your birth experience was traumatic or upsetting for any reason, firstly
try to talk it out between yourselves and any close friends or family members
who you know will respond to you supportively. Sharing your thoughts and
feelings with others who have had a similar experience also helps you to feel
that you are not alone. It might be beneficial to join a group run by the early
childhood centre or equivalent in your area. Even if birth experiences is not
one of the topics of discussion, you could request or recommend that this is
included, and see how many others would like to discuss this as well. Perhaps
you could organise your own informal support group.
If you find that you are plagued by recurring flashbacks or nightmares, or
find yourself unable to sleep or feel withdrawn or depressed, you might be
experiencing some symptoms of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). Information regarding
PTSD can be found on the Internet. It would also be good to talk to your GP, a
counsellor, or psychologist who can help you manage your symptoms until you
recover.
If the birth trauma resulted in the death of your infant, you will be thrown
into an intense grief. Grieving can be an extremely lonely experience at times,
even if you are sharing it with a partner. Grieving is a process that starts
with shock and denial and then passes through anger, sadness and depression and
eventually to acceptance. It is not so much a straight line progression as a bit
of backwards and forwards, but eventually there should be some sort of
readjustment and healing.
People can get "stuck" in their grief,
especially in anger or depression, and this can affect themselves, their
partners, and their families. Information regarding grief can be found on the
Internet. It is also a really good idea to get some professional help if you
need it to help you move through the stages so that you can find some relief
from your pain. Our thoughts, best wishes, biggest hugs and deepest love are
with you...
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Resources:
Austprem - for parents of premature babies www.austprem.org.au/
Bonnie Babes Foundation - an international organisation that
provides support for parents grieving the loss of a baby: www.bbf.org.au/
SANDS (For stillbirth and neonatal death) www.sands.org.au/
www.tabs.org.nz
is a site dedicated to Post Traumatic
Stress Disorder following a traumatic birth
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