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Being a parent is hard sometimes, even when you have a full-time partner to support you. If you are a single parent
it is vital that you have a reliable support
system that you can count on when you need a well-earned break, or time and
energy to fulfil your other obligations.
Single parents often have to make choices around employment issues that they
would not make under different circumstances, like returning to work sooner than
they had planned, or working longer hours.
Single parents are also faced with the juggling act of sharing their child
with another parent who lives in another area, and sometimes in another state.
All of this can add stress to an already full life. Learn to recognise when you
are stressed, and find some ways to deal with it. More information on stress
management can be found in "Managing Stress" in the
"Couple Support" section.
Even though your child's other parent may no longer be your partner in life,
ideally they are still a partner in raising your child. It is very important for
a child to have a good relationship with both their parents: it strengthens
their sense of identity, gives them security and the opportunity to learn to
relate to different types of people. Unless having a relationship with your
child's other parent is harmful to them, it is important that the two of you
develop a working relationship for the benefit of your child. In essence, you
have to both love your child more than you dislike each other.
In order to be able to do this you may have to work through any ill feeling
between the two of you. It is natural that when a relationship ends we can be
left with anger, hurt, depression and resentment. It is healthy for us to go
through a grieving process where feelings of shock and distress pass through to
feelings of anger and depression and eventually to an acceptance of the
situation. If we get stuck in our anger and resentment we can possibly get
consumed by it - it takes over and affects other areas of our lives -
particularly the sensitive little beings that are our children. Living with
anger or depression is horrible for all involved, especially you. There are
plenty of resources available to help you move through the stages of the grief
process so that you can find appropriate ways of experiencing and expressing
your emotions leading to healing, balance and increased self-esteem.
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Resources:
Books:
"Rebuilding" - Dr Bruce Fisher
Courses:
Interrelate also run "Rebuilding" courses based on the above book.
"Rainbows" is a program for school children who have experienced loss
through separation, divorce, death of abandonment. For more information see www.interrelate.org.au
Web Sites:
www.parentsworld.com
is a web site especially for single parents.
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