QUESTION ONE: 
It is 6.00 in the evening and you've just come home from
a hard day's work. Your partner greets you at the door in her pyjamas and your screaming 2 month
old baby. You make your way past unwashed breakfast dishes
into the cluttered lounge. You:
A)
Ignore the mess and say "Hi Honey, how was your day?"
B)
Look around you in disgust and ask "So what have you
been doing all
day?"
C)
Take the baby and/or start cleaning up
D)
Tell her "you look like you’ve had a rough day, what can
I do to
help?"
Very few new parents are prepared for the amount of work a
new
baby can bring. Some babies sleep all day and still sleep well at night so
there is plenty of free time for Mum. Some babies sleep all day but not all
night, so Mum has to sleep in the day, too. Some babies sleep well at night but hardly at all during the day, but they don’t want to be put down, so Mum has
to carry them around all day. There’s not much you can do with only one hand
(in the beginning, anyway!).
For the first few months both Mum and Bub will be
finding their feet as far as a routines are concerned. This period of time can
be very chaotic. The more patient and understanding you can be, the better Mum
will be able to adjust to her new role. So
the answer is: definitely not B, but ask your partner which she might prefer of the other three.
QUESTION TWO:
You want to have a go at changing your infant’s nappy but
your
partner won’t let you within 10 ft of the baby (or she takes over
in the
middle of it because "you’re doing it wrong"). You:
A)
Push her out of the way and say "He/She's not just YOUR
baby"
B)
Jokingly reassure her that you won't break the baby
C)
Ignore her criticism and tell her that you really want to help
HER look
after the baby
D)
Retreat with your tail beneath your legs and never offer again.
Sometimes new Mums can be overwhelmed with their new
responsibilities to the point where they are afraid to share some
of them. Sometimes new Mums are struggling to keep some sense
of control when their lives
seem chaotic, and this can make them
overbearing. If this is the case with your
New Mum either answers
B or C would be appropriate. It is very desirable for all
three of you that you are included as much as possible in Baby's day to day
life -it gives you time to nurture your relationship with Baby, helps you to understand what your partner’s life is like now, and gives her a
much-needed
break.
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QUESTION THREE:
You are running late for an important family occasion. You
find your partner half-dressed, standing in front of the mirror in tears. She
says she can’t find anything to wear because "nothing fits right any
more". You:
A)
Tell her you think she looks gorgeous just as she is
B)
Say "Maybe you should wear one of your maternity dresses"
C)
Tell her "Everyone knows you have just had a baby, if they
don't understand then they’re not worth worrying about
anyway…"
D)
Tell her "It doesn't matter, everyone's going to be looking at
the
baby anyway"
A New Mum's body image and self-esteem can be pretty low
after
the birth of a baby. Sometimes it takes a New Mum longer than
expected to get back into shape, or the care of a new baby can take up so much of her time
and energy that exercise is the last thing she feels like. This can leave a New Mum feeling a bit down. Your sensitivity and support can help her to feel better
about herself and her situation. So answers A or C would be appropriate.
QUESTION FOUR:
You're still running late for an important family
occasion. Your
partner still has to finish feeding and changing the baby and has
forgotten to re-stock the nappy bag. You:
A)
Look at your watch, tap your foot and sigh impatiently
B)
Ask her what you can do to help
C)
Don't have to ask because you know what should go in the
nappy bag and where to find it, and pack it yourself
D)
Tell her "Just grab a nappy and feed the baby later"
It takes some time for both parents to adjust to meeting
the needs of a small baby. If you don’t change or feed a small baby when they need it they will reward you with a very loud and insistent signal that is VERY
distracting, especially when you are driving - so D is definitely out. For the
time being, whether you like it or not, your time is not your own - it is the
Baby's, which means that normal considerations about being on time have to be
put into perspective. It can also be overwhelming how much stuff a little baby
might need for an outing - it can be a pain in the neck remembering it all,
but an even bigger pain in the neck if you don't! B or C are therefore the
best answers here.
QUESTION FIVE:
You are being served up left-over spaghetti bolognaise for
the third night in a row. You:
A)
Go out and buy some take-away
B)
Make up a quick salad and open a can of soup
C)
Call your mum/her mum for help
D)
Complain
As you know by now, looking after a small baby is extremely
time-consuming. Cooking can also be extremely time consuming.
Doing both is
almost impossible. Until your new baby is in a
predictable routine (which could
happen anywhere between six
weeks and six months), it will be impossible for
your partner to
co-ordinate with any accuracy all the responsibilities she now
has.
This time will pass, so until it does, be patient and take your pick
of A,
B or C. Good luck!
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