MANAGING CHANGE

If you were working for an organisation that was going through a merger or a takeover any responsible company would put you through some sort of change management training or support process. When you have a baby you go through BOTH a merger AND a takeover, but society expects you to cope with the change without any training or support at all.

It has been shown by psychologists that change is stressful. Stress can affect our health, our moods and our way of thinking. When we have a baby we go through a lot of changes. For mums our bodies change, our sleep patterns change, our hormones change, our moods change, our priorities change etc etc. For dads, our responsibilities change, our daily routines change, and we are affected by the changes in our partners. A lot of changes, especially in a short amount of time, can be very stressful.

Any change in our lives can be stressful, even if it is a change for the good. This is because human beings are creatures of habit, and part of any change in life circumstances might mean letting go of some old beliefs and habits, and learning new ones. Think of changing jobs, or moving to a new home. Even though you may have been anticipating and planning for the change for a period of time, and you see the change as a positive one, there may be mixed emotions for a time until you get used to the change. Whilst you are excited and looking forward to the change, as it gets closer there may some things that you might start to feel anxious about, or uncertain. Once the actual change has occurred (you have started the job or moved into the home) for a while you might feel that whilst the change is a good one, there are some things that you feel will take some time to get used to - some time to adjust to things that are new to you. Some people find that this can be stressful.

Change management skills help us cope with the change, and give us a better chance of making the change-over period as smooth as possible, and reduce any unnecessary stress. When we become parents we are entering a period of change that will be one of the most significant we will ever experience in our lives. How we navigate this period of change could have a bearing on our relationship with our partners, and with our children.

Most of the models for change management have been designed for implementation in a corporate setting, but there is a model called ADKAR (used with permission from Prosci) which can be equally applied to personal situations. ADKAR quite simply stands for: Awareness, Desire, Knowledge, Ability and Reinforcement as in:

	Awareness of the need to change
	Desire to participate and support the change
	Knowledge of how to change and what the change looks like
	Ability to implement the change on a day-to-day basis
	Reinforcement to keep the change in place

Are you feeling completely overwhelmed and wondering how the heck you are going to fit learning change management skills into your already over-full life? Don't panic. By having read this you have already achieved the first three steps, and are over half-way there! You have the awareness of the need to change, I imagine that you have the desire to participate, and now you also have the knowledge of how to change. What does the change looks like? It looks like you and your partner feeling happy and content most of the time.

Your ability to implement the change on a day to day basis will depend on several factors including how much time and energy you have, how important the change is to you and how supportive your partner is in assisting you change. There are lots of lovely things you can do to reinforce the change. You could reward yourself or your partner every time you do something that contributes to the process.

SOME SUGGESTIONS:

	Be aware that even "good" changes can be stressful. Don't beat yourself up and feel guilty about being stressed - it DOESN'T mean that you are a bad parent or that you don't love your baby. It just means that you are having a normal human reaction to a major adjustment in your life.
	Talk as much as possible to other parents who are sharing your experience - it can be a huge relief to know that there are other people who feel the same as you and a great bonding experience.
	Go easy on yourself. It is even more important to attend to our basic needs when we are under stress.
	Be kind to yourself and kind to your partner. Make allowances for periods of added pressure.

RESOURCES:

Web Sites:

www.change-management.com for more information from Prosci on the ADKAR model

www.parentlineplus.org.uk has a useful section on change in the "Parents" section of the website

Disclaimer: The information contained in this web-site is of a general nature only, and is not meant to be used as advice for individual problems. If you have particular concerns about yourself, your partner or your child you should seek support from a professional counsellor or health practitioner. The author does not take any responsibility for the effects of your use of this information.