Birth Trauma
Even with all the support we get leading up to our babies' births, things can still go wrong. And even when they go "right" according to our health care providers, they can feel very "wrong" to us. Nothing can prepare couples adequately for the intensity, distress, confusion and out of control feelings of a traumatic birth experience, and even couples who have experienced a fairly "normal" birth can feel shocked and overwhelmed. Sadly there is very little organised post-birth psychological support for mothers, and even less for fathers.
If your birth experience was traumatic or upsetting for any reason, firstly try to talk it out between yourselves and any close friends or family members who you know will respond to you supportively. Sharing your thoughts and feelings with others who have had a similar experience also helps you to feel that you are not alone. It might be beneficial to join a group run by the early childhood centre or equivalent service in your area. Even if birth experiences is not one of the topics of discussion, you could request or recommend that this is included, and see how many others would like to discuss this as well. Perhaps you could organise your own informal support group.
If you find that yourself plagued by recurring flashbacks or nightmares, unable to sleep or feeling withdrawn or depressed, you might be experiencing some symptoms of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). Information regarding PTSD can be found on the Internet. It would also be good to talk to your GP, a counsellor, or psychologist who can help you manage your symptoms until you recover.
If the birth trauma resulted in the death of your infant, you will be thrown into an intense grief. Grieving can be an extremely lonely experience at times, even if you are sharing it with a partner. Grieving is a process that starts with shock and denial and then passes through anger, sadness and depression and eventually to acceptance. It is not so much a straight line progression as a bit of backwards and forwards, but eventually there should be some sort of readjustment and healing.
People can get "stuck" in their grief, especially in anger or depression, and this can affect themselves, their partners, and their babies. Information regarding grief can be found on the Internet. It is also a really good idea to get some professional help if you need it to help you move through the stages so that you can find some relief from your pain. Whilst you may feel like keeping it to yourself, one of the most healing things you can do is express your grief to someone who cares.